State of Mind

My doctors decided that radiation was an important step for my cancer treatment. I was surprised and a bit disappointed. However, I’ve come this far and didn’t want to stop short of doing all that I could to keep it from coming back. Statistically, radiation could make a significant difference in my chances of local recurrence. So… Here we go.

I was laying on the cold metal table waiting for the nurses to get me positioned just so. My hands were above my head clutching a bar. Plastic had been molded around my arms and head so that my position wouldn’t change during treatment. Large robotic type machines were moving into place and then changing positions. I could see the nurses and myself in their reflection, so I closed my eyes.

The problem with closing my eyes is that I get in my head. I start thinking. I start wondering if the nurses have me positioned right and if some of the radiation will accidentally hit my heart and my lungs. I wonder if it’s going to work and keep the cancer from returning or if this is all a big waste of time and energy.  I wonder how long I have before it all comes crashing down.

Then I remember…

I remember how far God has brought me. I remember how God has never left me and has promised to be with me. I remember that he alone is my portion and my cup. I remember that he will keep me safe. I remember that he makes known to me the path of life. I remember that the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. I remember that the heavens declare the glory of God. I remember that this world is not my home. I remember that my heart is glad, my tongue rejoices, my body also can rest secure because he will not abandon me to the realm of the dead. I remember that I cry out to him and he answers me. I remember that his love surrounds me.

I remember.

Thank you, God.


State of Mind:  Weekly Photo Challenge