Short-Term Memory…Who Needs It March 1, 2010

Where am I?  What am I doing here?  How did I get here?  (No…I’m not in the Walmart parking lot…this time)

These are the questions my son was asking after a particularly hard hit on the ASU rugby field.  I know…what mother, in her right mind, would allow her son to play rugby.  In the south…with a bunch of rough and tumble college students.  For starters, he’s 18…I guess it ends about there, too.  He’s 18.  How did that happen!  Anyway…

The college students with him did all the right things.  They took him out of the game.  He would not have volunteered that! Someone sat with him and periodically asked him questions.  He had his sense about him pretty quickly.  I don’t think he blacked out, but he did lose his short-term memory for a spell.

When he came home, I told him I would wake him up occasionally and ask him questions just to check on him.

About 3:00 AM I asked him, “In what county do we live?”

“White.”  Yeah!  He’s doing ok.

At 6:00 AM I woke him and asked, “What day is it?”

“The 27th.”  Hmmm….I’ll have to go check. What about….

“Could you tell me the day of the week?”

“Sunday.”  Good.  We’ll leave it there.  I’m not sure what the date is…. Perhaps someone else should be checking his short-term memory.  Mine’s not so great either.

New Liberty Tax Company February 19, 2010

Have you seen the guys that stand on the corner during tax season and wave, dance around, and try to get your attention?

I would drive up to this stoplight and cringe.  I thought it was intrusive and rude.  I couldn’t believe this place of business could get away with this kind of advertising.

However, this tax season, I see these people in a whole new light.  These folks are working.  They are earning money.  The people on the corner dress up in ridiculous costumes and get an amazing workout.  They are cheerful and energetic.  They have found a job!

I’m sure it is tightly connected to my oldest child looking for a job in the past few months….

I have hence been know to give them a wave as I pass by ( much to the embarrassment of some of my passengers).  I still would like to talk to the CEO and help her find a better way to use these employees great enthusiasm, but for now, I will wave and appreciate their willingness to work.  Honking, however, is out of the question…

Dad May Come July 18, 2009

My oldest son spent several days with a buddy up at our lake house fishing and boating around, cooking the fish they had caught and just hanging out.  I was really proud of his independence.

However, I’m not ready for him to be completely independent, yet.

I talked to him one afternoon to tell him his dad may come up.  I wasn’t sure if he might think that his dad would be intruding.  I shouldn’t have worried.

“Good!  Dad would make it perfect, ” was his response.

What blessed parents we are to have a seventeen-year-old son who still wants us around.  My heart is full.

Neighbors July 17, 2009

Speaking directly about those we live nearby, Solomon instructs in Proverbs:25:17,

“Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house -

too much of you, and he will hate you.”

Not only is this important for me to be aware of, but I also want my children to understand this principle in dealing with their friends.  Allow time for your friend to reciprocate.  Don’t always be the one to call and suggest being together.

I think it takes humility to accept the fact that someone needs space.  Don’t take it personally.  Even Solomon recognized the need for space in relationships.

Texting July 13, 2009

Trigger and Meredith

We arrived at Newport at about 2:00, by 2:30 there was sweat rolling down my back and saturating my hair.  Meredith got her horse saddled as quickly as she could and set off to find her friends that she only sees on horse show weekends.

I saw her occassionally ride past in a herd of small and large horses, some sorrel and painted and brown and white.  They were like a little band of outlaws weaving their way through the people who were signing up for assorted events or warming up their horses.

By the end of the day, I was tired and sticky.  Meredith had placed in 7 of her 8 events and was pleased with the day.

Barrels were last and she had a good run and placed 5th.  I waited for her to show up at the trailer so we could load the horses up and go home.  I waited and waited.  Finally I saw her at the far end of the arena with a few friends.  She was on Trigger and he was our last horse to load, so Scott went to go get her and convince her we were ready to go home.

On the ride home, she was asking me about texting.  How much does it cost?  Did I know Sydney texts? (Her older cousin in Texas.)  Did I know that Sydney pays for her own texting?

I thought it was cute that she wanted to tell Sydney about her horse show.

The next morning Meredith asked me about texting again.

Meredith:  How much is one text?

Me:  I’m not sure, maybe 10 cents.  Why?  Who do you want to text?

Meredith:  ……Emily’s cousin.

Hmmmmm——–

Me:  What’s his name?

Meredith:  ……….Cody.

I’m glad she is making friends, but we will not subscribe to texting any time soon.

Parents, Teens, and Horses April 27, 2009

In a round pen:

1. create an obstacle course for a horse that includes:

• something to go around
• something to go through
• something to go over

2. convince your horse to complete the course with out leading him through it

Those were the instructions that we gave a group of teens and their parents this weekend at a retreat. There were about 60 people there. We had several other similar activities as well.

The point of these exercises was to better understand one’s self through the interaction with the horses. Horses mirror people’s emotions and respond accordingly. In these situations, families are put in real conflict and problem solving situations. It is an opportunity to grow and learn about each other and about one’s self through reflection and metaphors.

The day was really hard for me. It was loaded with meaning and importance. I wanted so much for it to work and be worthwhile and even “Wow” the people who participated. Maybe it was, maybe it did. But I didn’t experience the high I expected.

It was sobering. So much work. So many variables.

We loaded up our 4 horses on Friday and drove up to Camp Tahkodah. After we got the horses situated Friday night, we went down to camp for a few “get acquainted” games. Then to bed around 11:00. Got back up about 8:00, ate breakfast, and then back to check on the horses and start preparing for Saturday’s activities.

Horses plus 60 people sounds like trouble. So I was a little anxious. Actually…a lot anxious.

After an entire day of activities with the horses including a trail ride, I saw the last person go down the mountain to the camp grounds…I breathed a sigh of relief. No one had gotten hurt. Goal number 1.

I go for trainings this summer to Michigan and Texas and will be much more equipped to provide these experiences for others. I feel so green at this! The field of study is called Equine Assisted Learning and I will begin certification this summer as an Equine Specialist.

This has been brewing in my mind for several years and is finally coming together. The rationale for using horses to help people understand themselves and each other is that horses accurately and honestly reflect peoples emotions. You may have been told before to get up on a horse and ride, but don’t be scared or the horse will know it. This takes that tendency of the horse to mirror one’s emotions and allows people to be cognizant of themselves. When a person changes his emotional reaction and then behavior, the horse immediately responds. It is fascinating to watch.

Scott and I spent a session on Saturday night, after horse experiences all day, with just the parents debriefing the activities and how it relates to parenting. Nearly every family unit commented on what they learned during their time working with their family and the horse. The following is a sampling of some of the comments during the debriefing.

• With the horses you could actually see the parenting principles working.
• I realized I am really controlling.
• With horses, time doesn’t matter. How long it takes to get a task accomplished, is irrelevant. You have to stay with them till you’re done.
• Horses want a leader…someone who is confident.
• You can’t make a horse choose to do something. You make it very uncomfortable to choose the ‘wrong’ thing.
• There were times when I didn’t understand what was being asked. Sometimes I expect my children to understand what I mean without much explanation.
• Patience.  Working with horses takes lots of patience.

They seemed to connect the day’s experiences with their own parenting journey, practice new ways of relating, and reflect on ways to improve their relationships. Goal number 2.

These parents want to be close to their teens and help them make the right choices. We have so little time with them. By the grace of God, we raise them to be disciples of his.

Hopefully, this weekend and all of the activities that we did will help parents to be closer to their teenagers and understand some of the dynamics that are present in their homes.

EAL is an emerging field with loads of potential.  I’ve got a lot to learn. This is going to be exciting.

Looking for Answers April 6, 2009

When I had my first child, I began to read everything I could about parenting.  The latest child-rearing book usually made it to my nightstand and I would scour the pages looking for the answers to my bazillion questions.

I would start some quirky feeding regimen or an odd discipline tactic and my husband would ask, “What are you reading now?”

I would show him my new book and run down the latest thing I had heard from Regis and Kathie Lee and he would just shake his head.

I knew the answers were out there somewhere…I just couldn’t find where.  After a couple of years of this searching, baby number 2 came along and I didn’t have the time anymore to search in various a sundry places. Thank goodness for baby number 2!

I just thought I was busy with baby  number 1.  My searching for answers slowed down.  Then came baby number 3.

I was thankful to make it through the day.  My Bible reading became verses taped to my cabinet doors.

I believe now the answers are found quite simply in the Bible and the hearts and minds of wise Christians around me.

• Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
• Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul, with all of your mind, and with all of your strength.
• Have the same attitude as Christ Jesus, who humbled himself.
• Act justly.
• Love mercy.
• Walk humbly with your God.
• Talk about these with your children.

Straight forward and simple does not mean easy.  Parenting is not easy.  It is the hardest job I have ever had, but I am not in this alone.  The creator of the universe is on my side.

It is so simple to understand, but so difficult to carry out.  It’s a good thing that I have divine intervention.  Only by the grace of God will I raise my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  His grace.

I am so thankful for his grace.

THE talk February 25, 2009

Well…I had THE talk with my 12-year-old daughter. Not the only talk, we’ve been talking for years about our horses and dogs having babies. Animal Planet is another good source for conversation. So today wasn’t the only time THE subject has been broached, but this time was more detailed…more information….

It all went well. She wrinkled up her nose and said, “That sounds weird.” I said, “Yeah.” Trying to remember what it was like to hear those details when I was young. I assured her it would be good and beautiful when she was married, but it is not in God’s plan outside of marriage.

I told her that if she had any questions, she could always come to me and ask me.

She only had one question:

“Was it weird when YOU did it?”

“….uhhh….well….ummm…. Whew. Would you like a drink?”

We will need to have more talks. At a later date. I really wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was for questions.