Turn Around March 6, 2009

“Hello.”  I said into the cell phone after nearly dropping it in the floor board of the car.

“Turn around and come home.  Our life is in shambles.”  My heart sank.

Not what I wanted to hear 400 miles from home with 400 more to go before I reached my destination.

“Really?  Do I really need to turn around?”

“Sort of…”  Okay, I was relieved.  Maybe I wouldn’t have to go back.  My normally laid-back, go-with-the-flow husband sounded tired and a little tense.

“What happened?  Is someone sick?  Is there a broken arm?”

“Meredith couldn’t find the Cascade and put Dawn, regular dish soap, into the dishwasher. Bubbles and water are pouring out of the dishwasher.”

I nearly had to pull over on the shoulder of I-20, I was laughing so hard.  Bless her heart.  She was trying to help while I was out of town.  It was Wednesday night and they were about to leave for church when the bubbles marched onto the kitchen floor.

I was halfway to Jacksonville, FL when Scott called with the news.  Mary, one of my college roommates, and I were headed to a roommate reunion.  We said we would do this every year after graduation, but this was our first reunion ever.  It has been over 20 years since the four of us have been together.

We are at a condo on the beach and have until Sunday to reconnect.

It is never easy for me to leave, but surely it’s good for the family to manage a few days on their own. Part of me secretly hopes something goes wrong while I’m gone…something small, that is easily fixed.  Something to remind them they still need mom.

I got my secret wish!

I’ll be home Sunday welcomed by a bedraggled family and a clean kitchen floor!

Imaginary Insignificance March 2, 2009

The term “imaginary audience” was introduced by David Elkind to refer to the tendency of adolescents to falsely assume that their appearance or behavior is the focus of other people’s attention. I wonder if some adults don’t suffer from “imaginary insignificance”.

It seems that a lot of us don’t realize the impact we have on each other. If we aren’t at church, no one really notices. If I don’t go to _____, I won’t be missed. No one cares what I have to say.

This could also be called the “George Bailey Syndrome”. Remember how George, from It’s a Wonderful Life, thought he had not really made a difference in people’s lives? An angel came and showed him what life would have been like in Bedford Falls without him. Bedford Falls was a pitiful sight without him. The love and care that came from one man spread through out the entire town and it was a better place because of his influence.

We don’t know the impact that our small, godly lives have on others. But we know the impact of others on us. Perhaps it would do us good to reflect on the impact that others have made on us…and go ahead and take the leap….that we also have an impact on others.

Think about those people that have helped shape your life. My family is the number one influence on my life. My husband, parents and children profoundly effect how I live. Their love and support strengthen me and encourage me to live life boldly in the light as he is in the light.

Many others have shaped me, too.

I think of Mrs. Allen, who taught my Sunday School class in 2nd grade. She continued to talk to me as I grew older. She always called me by name and asked me how things were going.

There is Mrs. Shirley, one of my high school teachers, who would listen to my teenage thoughts for long periods of time without judgment.

Mrs. Curtis was another high school teacher. She specifically taught us about submission to your husband and love and care for your family.

I think of Brenda, who helped me as a young youth minister’s wife to plan events and figure out how much food to make. She showed me how to have groups of people over and make them feel welcome.

Then there is Amber with her sweet and gentle spirit who accepts me as I am and always believes in the best me. She listens to my ramblings and can separate the emotional baggage from the earnest resolve.

My friend, Jill, who with a joy for living and a heart for serving people, challenges me to live with a focus on Jesus and an eye on eternity.

Toni, who shares my love for animals, makes friends with everyone she sees. Her heart is so big, there is room for everyone!

This is a small handful of the many who have impacted my life and continue to shape me. It is hard to stop listing people.

I in turn must take the responsibility for the impact that my life has on other people, whether for good or ill.

I am not insignificant. You are not insignificant.

What I do or what I don’t do matters. I can’t pretend that no one notices… that no one is influenced by the choices I make.

What about you? Who are some of those people that have helped you live life more fully or more closely aligned with the character of God?

The Necklace by Cheryl Jarvis January 16, 2009

In September of 2004, thirteen women went together to buy a 15.24 carat diamond necklace.  Cheryl Jarvis wrote a book chronicling their experiment.

Each chapter is a mini biography about one of the women and her experiences with the necklace. 

Some favorite excerpts:

 ”Before meeting these women, I lived in a world where I wasn’t worthy, wasn’t good enough.  It’s the story I’d told myself all my life.  These women taught me that it was just a story, a story I’d told myself because I was afraid.  My only fear now is that I will be a disappointment to myself, that I’ll get to the end of my life and know I didn’t take advantage of everything that was given me.  Before Jewelia (the necklace’s name…) I thought, ‘ I wonder what will happen to me?’  Now I think, ‘I wonder what I’ll do next?’  For the first time, I’m composing my life.”

I love that line….I’m composing my life.

When I was taking counseling classes, this was a view that was helpful for those who had been in abusive situations, especially adults who had been abused as children.  It was important for them to realize that someone else had written their story for them when they were a child, but now they were writing their own story.  They were now in control of their story.  

Another line from the book that resonated with me:

“In this safe community of women, each voice grew more authentic.”  

What a beautiful concept…a safe community of women.  The confidence that we enable in each other through acceptance and love can cause personal growth that is unlikely to occur outside a “safe community”.

Not a great piece of literature, but a fun read with some poignant moments.  

What are you reading?

Old Friends December 31, 2008

From The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs:

The thing is that when you are young, you always think you’ll meet all sorts of wonderful people, that drifting apart and losing friends is natural.  You don’t worry, at first, about the friends you leave behind.  But as you get older, it gets harder to build friendships.  Too many defenses, too little opportunity.  You get busy.  And by the time you’ve lost the dearest best friend you’ve ever had, years have gone by and you’re mature enough to be embarrassed by your attitude and, frankly, by your arrogance.

—————-

Jenny, Anita, Lisa and I met at the Dixie Cafe last weekend.  A reunion of sorts.  We grew up together in Searcy and try to get together whenever Anita comes back from Houston.  I look forward to being with these women.  The comfort of being with people who know me and have known me for so long and still accept me.  I love it.

My life is easier and more fulfilling because of my friends.  In the church, the Lord has provided us with friends.  He has commanded us to love each other and care for each other.

Gal 6:2…Carry one another’s burdens…

Do you still keep in touch with old friends?  Do you have friends now that you are determined to stay in touch with?  Have you lost touch with a friend that you dearly miss?